Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Be cool, Honey Bunny
So, a couple of weeks ago, Hurricane Isaac made it's slow ascent up through the delta region. I shooed my kids and husband up to north Louisiana to ride out the storm with a full house generator and Mawmaw lovin' via fried shrimp and gluten-free pancakes EVERY morning. The LoveShack and I had three glorious days of solitude. Before the storm, I wrote on my facebook page, "I feel like I am preparing for the ultimate survival exercise. Alone in the woods, no electricity, and an impending hurricane. At least I have shelter ;)"
While the storm itself was a bit of a dud, none of the excitement, yet all of the flooding and electrical disruption, I thoroughly enjoyed those reflective hours on my porch that blustery Wednesday morning. With my hot coffee, I sat in my rocker and watched the trees give and sway with the wind. The winds came in gusts, consistent, with varying intensity. It, of course, made me think of birthing mama's dancing with the intensity of labor contractions.
Thoughts of what it means to be me, right now in my life, a burden feeling heavy on my shoulders. A word kept entering into my thoughts....stress, stressed, stressing, stressful. A question entered my head as if the holy spirit was sitting next to me and blew it into my ear with a gust of hurricane breeze....."Do you remember what EXACTLY were you stressed out about LAST week?" Um, well, of course I do: my school; homeschool; on-call life; being, or better, staying married; my husband only being home one day a week for three months; being a mother, or being a better mother; worry for my children; money, money, money, or rather, not enough money.
I realized in that moment that none of these things were specific incidents of stress. Those things did not answer the question of what EXACTLY I was stressed out about. I thought of probable possibilites: almost out of towels, prepare food for tomorrow, didn't get around to doing school, yelled at my kids....the list went on and on and on. But, still, I could not remember a specific incident that happened last week that caused me to feel stress.
A revelation had occurred. How damn important was it if I don't even remember it a week later? I felt quite ashamed of my list. Did I really have nothing better to worry about than that? Was I wasting emotional energy worrying about life-in-general instead of things I should be worried about? Was I constantly stressing about what was going to happen next? I heard myself judgmentally saying, "Girl, you need to get over yourself."
Multi-tasking is really fragmenting enjoyment.
If you are constantly doing 3 things at once, you never get to feel the accomplishment of finishing anything. Lawd knows, it ain't never gonna be ALL done at ANYone's house. If they say or pretend it is, I promise you they are crying in their closet at least once a week.
For years, my husband has told me, "You are never just happy." I have resented and fought that accusation fiercely. Now, I realize, don't tell him, he has always been......sigh...right.
I have never been able to just be happy with what I did get accomplished. I always wanted to tweak it, make it better, wished I could have gotten one more thing done, wanted EVERYONE to love it, for no one to be inconvenienced. I wanted everything to be perfect. Then, my life would be perfect. I would be perfect. I could feel perfect.
What does it mean to make everything perfect if inside you enjoyed nothing and inside you were in turmoil? If you are neurotic about micromanaging your life, is it worth it to be organized? If you feel like a failure even with EVERYTHING you HAVE done, because you can't find matching sock for your kids one morning, is being organized helping YOU?
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." ~ Abraham Lincoln
I am still trying. I still try to plan ahead, work ahead, mother ahead, organize ahead. I am still failing. But, now, I am trying to laugh more than moan. I am trying to pat myself on the back rather than berate. I am trying to take pride in what gets accomplished rather than mentally tax myself with a list with empty check boxes. I allow the organization to help me, not validate me.
All of life-in-general things still need to get done.....on a good day anyway. But, my attitude about these tasks of daily life has changed. I can either spend my whole day waist up in a list begrudgingly bitching the whole time, or I can just do it and be happy. It is really that simple.
Shouldn't life be fun? Shouldn't we laugh, and smile, and be gentle on our self? Shouldn't we wake up with a feeling of excitement rather than gloom? Isn't that being a good wife and mother?
So, be cool, honey bunny. It's just life. You won't remember it next week anyway.
While the storm itself was a bit of a dud, none of the excitement, yet all of the flooding and electrical disruption, I thoroughly enjoyed those reflective hours on my porch that blustery Wednesday morning. With my hot coffee, I sat in my rocker and watched the trees give and sway with the wind. The winds came in gusts, consistent, with varying intensity. It, of course, made me think of birthing mama's dancing with the intensity of labor contractions.
Thoughts of what it means to be me, right now in my life, a burden feeling heavy on my shoulders. A word kept entering into my thoughts....stress, stressed, stressing, stressful. A question entered my head as if the holy spirit was sitting next to me and blew it into my ear with a gust of hurricane breeze....."Do you remember what EXACTLY were you stressed out about LAST week?" Um, well, of course I do: my school; homeschool; on-call life; being, or better, staying married; my husband only being home one day a week for three months; being a mother, or being a better mother; worry for my children; money, money, money, or rather, not enough money.
I realized in that moment that none of these things were specific incidents of stress. Those things did not answer the question of what EXACTLY I was stressed out about. I thought of probable possibilites: almost out of towels, prepare food for tomorrow, didn't get around to doing school, yelled at my kids....the list went on and on and on. But, still, I could not remember a specific incident that happened last week that caused me to feel stress.
A revelation had occurred. How damn important was it if I don't even remember it a week later? I felt quite ashamed of my list. Did I really have nothing better to worry about than that? Was I wasting emotional energy worrying about life-in-general instead of things I should be worried about? Was I constantly stressing about what was going to happen next? I heard myself judgmentally saying, "Girl, you need to get over yourself."
Multi-tasking is really fragmenting enjoyment.
If you are constantly doing 3 things at once, you never get to feel the accomplishment of finishing anything. Lawd knows, it ain't never gonna be ALL done at ANYone's house. If they say or pretend it is, I promise you they are crying in their closet at least once a week.
For years, my husband has told me, "You are never just happy." I have resented and fought that accusation fiercely. Now, I realize, don't tell him, he has always been......sigh...right.
I have never been able to just be happy with what I did get accomplished. I always wanted to tweak it, make it better, wished I could have gotten one more thing done, wanted EVERYONE to love it, for no one to be inconvenienced. I wanted everything to be perfect. Then, my life would be perfect. I would be perfect. I could feel perfect.
What does it mean to make everything perfect if inside you enjoyed nothing and inside you were in turmoil? If you are neurotic about micromanaging your life, is it worth it to be organized? If you feel like a failure even with EVERYTHING you HAVE done, because you can't find matching sock for your kids one morning, is being organized helping YOU?
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." ~ Abraham Lincoln
I am still trying. I still try to plan ahead, work ahead, mother ahead, organize ahead. I am still failing. But, now, I am trying to laugh more than moan. I am trying to pat myself on the back rather than berate. I am trying to take pride in what gets accomplished rather than mentally tax myself with a list with empty check boxes. I allow the organization to help me, not validate me.
All of life-in-general things still need to get done.....on a good day anyway. But, my attitude about these tasks of daily life has changed. I can either spend my whole day waist up in a list begrudgingly bitching the whole time, or I can just do it and be happy. It is really that simple.
Shouldn't life be fun? Shouldn't we laugh, and smile, and be gentle on our self? Shouldn't we wake up with a feeling of excitement rather than gloom? Isn't that being a good wife and mother?
So, be cool, honey bunny. It's just life. You won't remember it next week anyway.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Bye Bye Cans
About a year ago or so, I started to seriously reduce my reliance on canned goods. In fact, and shhhhh, don't tell anyone, I stopped canning food myself. Apparently, canned goods from the store could have all kinds of chemicals in the plastic lining and cooking foods for long periods of time (especially when under pressure) can breakdown many of the good nutrients in foods. Hence is born, my ever increasing reliance on local SEASONAL food. Eating seasonally reduces the need to preserve food for future use. When I do preserve, right now, I prefer to freeze or dry. Now, my pantry is used for more imaginative pursuits....like being in an elevator. 
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